Alid Misli

This is just the random night where, I can’t sleep and can’t even continue my work. I know what I’m thinking and feels, but I did my best to ignore it. It’s the time where I get so numb and felt the silent within me. Its those time when I miss the misses so deep that I can’t hold it anymore for this dawn. And so unfortunately for me, I don’t really have a shoulder where I can borrow for a while. I have education friend for me to be professional, but other then that, its really hard for me to share my sentiment because I want to and trying my best to be professional as I can and not be affected with my own sorrow story. I don’t blame them. It’s just me choosy in this kinda things for whom I share with. I’m just being a natural person with personal concepts.

There’s one way out and one way in
Back to the beginning
There’s one way back to home again
To where I feel forgiven

What is this I feel, why is it so real
What am I to say

It’s only love, it’s only pain
It’s only fear, that run through my veins
It’s all the things we can’t explain
That make us human

I am just an image of something so much greater
I am just a picture frame, I am not the painter
Where do I begin, can I shed this skin
What is this i feel within

It’s only love, it’s only pain
It’s only fear that runs through my veins
It’s all the things you can’t explain
That make us human

Human – Civil Twilight (House MD season 4 OST)

I’m here alone, being sad and it’s normal. I miss that person a lot and I’m fine with this feelings. Although its pain I weight, I still need to sail my boat away. I’m alone, I have nothing to impress anymore.. only work, only work.. I have to agree with Grace bloggers:

Suicide.

If it wasn’t a sin, if we weren’t sent straight to hell, I would be dead by now. I would not be standing here, I wouldn’t be alive, I wouldn’t even be here to go through all this pain and shit. I’ve cut myself a lot of times, killing myself would be a lot easier. Thankfully, god made it that way. I’m not blaming anyone for the things I’ve gone through, as it’s stated, ‘the good things in life comes from god, the bad things in life comes from us’.

I know, those people who know what I’m going through is probably tired of me now. Everyday I prayed and hope for them to stay for me a little longer. I’m scared to lose them, I’m scared they’ll get really tired and asked me to F off. Sometimes I rather keep everything inside, the pain, the sleepless nights, the lack of foods. I rather not say, then to have them walk away from me. But other times, I really just want them to listen and hug me every now and then, and most of all just being there doing nothing, just being there. But the thing is, I don’t want to be so selfish, I don’t want them to think that my pain is more important than my life itself, and their lives and problems too. And I don’t want them to also think that I’m not appreciating them, because I do. I appreciate them for staying with me this far with this entire thing going on. I’m just scared they’ll get really tired.

Your all I think about, nothing changed, I still love you, I miss your voice, and every time I want to reach my phone to call, I cried, I stopped myself, my ego defended me, if I can just have you back with I’m sorry.

I’m not hoping for tonight, but what’s going to happen tonight will alter my life.

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

Sometimes I feels like that too. You felt you have nothing anymore. How important and how valuable and in need that person is so genuine that we ourselves don’t want to live anymore after loosing it. its all true.. obsession and love. Its wrong, but the wrong is just so strong we can’t feel the whole concept to be inappropriate.

Random things that I personally want to write, because I miss something.