I’m not sure if I could keep up with this blogging life any longer. It’s not that I don’t have things to say or write, but I just don’t have the feeling to share the input with you guys anymore.
A lot of things have come in and out in my life; for instance I once felt a very significant in society but now it’s seems to be depleted. If only I was smart like the rest, I won’t be far and miss a lot of things. What hardly to understand is that, their stories are new, and no interconnected with my present time. Most of the time I felt vey lost with the stories, and eventually my lips lock up into silence. I can only listen and say few things about it, and hardly try to present myself toward them. But if my time had arrived for me to share, my stories are the least that people would want to listen or understand. Let say “I’m overrated.” And with these conditions, I don’t even have the mood to make a story telling too.
It’s not that I want to run away from changes, but I have to admit, my century with them is no longer the same. The potential differences between me and the subject are their educations and mind, their money and style, and the ego and language that they use is what made my century to be far.
Sometime I wonder, when will this omitted feeling will end? How long must I await to reach the normal platform again? The more I wait, the longer I need to reach. Being alienated but still wanting to be connected is really a wounded journey. I wish it to be like the old days, but I can’t really pray for it to happen. I don’t know; if you knew how far I feel when I felt like I’m being cast away. It’s like the invisible object that people can’t see with their naked eyes, but still they can feel it because of the past connections and history.
How many changes should I see and witness? How many times, do I need to lock up into silence? How much more do I need to tolerate with these changes? My cognition in me insists on moving on, and to start to listen to my little voice rather than to be a public listener.
So little things that I could offer, that make me one of those people with few attentions. I have become one of them, the accumulations’ of people waiting for the respond of others to have a negotiation.
I can’t be your listener forever, your exaggerations are your pride; your lies are your courage and your fools are your identity. I wish to have a new life, a life that doesn’t depends on the rest, a point where I should be feeling so grateful and safe, a place where I can be warm, and a habitat where I can be count as a family. I don’t like to be replaced, and I don’t like people stealing my positions and I don’t know you anymore if I don’t understand you.
For now on, I can only hear you, but I won’t hesitate not to listen; I’m not your puppet; that you only want me when you want to play with me.
Goodbye, I say; Yet the future is still unwritten. Now do you understand?