LDP: Few years ago I applied. Fulfilling the conditions but rejected. Now, the criteria is incapable.

I always wanted to continue or upgrade my study. I fall in love with education itself. I always wanted a PhD, even before I finished my Diploma in Primary Education in 2009. Fall in love on inspiring people through research and education. I fall in love with teaching and how to make it stronger and effective in the world of pedagogy. I guess, I fall in love with the lecturers I met back then in Universiti Brunei Darussalam.

7 years later. I’m still struggling to pursuit that dreams. I still have my Diploma. I’m not sure I can make the dream into a reality. Having that state of mind, it really breaks me apart few days ago. The in-service scholarship criteria set by the Public Service Department (JPA) and The Ministry of Education (MoE) to this current days are ‘very hard’.

Few years ago, I did applied for the in-service (LDP). Boy, did I fulfilled to their criteria. I fulfilled the minimum criteria such as the A levels, No. of years of service and the Teachers Performance Appraisal grade. Sadly it was rejected with reason of ‘Can’t be considered‘. I found it to be bias, unfair and injustice. Sadly, who am I to argue. Decision was final. Just no luck. With broken heart, I will never forgive.

Today, the criteria has changed. It has become impossible especially with the TPA grade to be at least grade A. So there you go, thank you dear rejects.

So, I have no option to fund myself in the future in order to continue my education journey. It’s not cheap.

Some moody days, I do feel like wishing to be a different person. Being very smart and intelligent. Having a rich parents. Praying better off having all the glitters rather than enduring this pain. Yet, my conscious tells me it’s wrong to wish all of them. It against the state of being grateful to God.

Funny, how ‘they‘ wanted you to be the best in work and continue to exploit your thinking and skills. Sadly, when you ask for rewards or appreciation to the work you have given so much it has never been pleasing.

The struggle of teaching in Temburong also became part of my challenge in pursuing the degree. Commuting, teaching and studying back and forth between Temburong district and the City with the tremendous tiredness and financial obligation that comes with it is just unbearable. I can’t imagine studying with that conditions. It’s inhuman and cruel.

I really wish to move back to the city and teach in the city. I belong to the City. I have many sacrifices, sadness and lost in my 7 years in Temburong. I really need to move on with my life, and hopefully I can take this one life to the next level. Live in the City so at night I can study full-time at some College. It will be on my expense. Please I hope they don’t keep me with my suffering.

I only have one life, why are you stopping me?

Losing the dream battle. An education battle.

Loving, kindness and compassion are the basis of wise, powerful, sometimes gentle, and sometimes fierce actions that can really make a difference – in our own lives and those of others. – Sharon Salzberg

#Love, #kindness and #compassion. The last 72 hours was like #hatred, #anger and #cold. One of many reason is to work in the city to be safe and manageable in both financial and physical health aspects to enroll to night classes and god’s knows I really need it badly. #Learning is core in my #passion, as to #teaching is my job. #Education itself is #beautiful. As human, #happiness and conditions affect what you do, think and feel. I’m sure there are far worst terrible things that other human faces compare to me. However, it is my utmost dreams since 19 years old to #dream to be smart, #educated to make #Brunei education stronger and #effective like those lecturers I met in my years in #UBD. My dream is to be like them. What separate me from doing what they do is my qualifications. Soon, I’ll be 29. And I know, I won’t be able to achieve that dream as age of 35 is the limit age to get Phd scholarship. Having no bachelor degree and a master degree it is a chase that I have to anticipate losing. With that mental state and the lost i have to walk through; i hope others will respect my sadness, depression and rudeness during this time. It was designed far before I was born and it is my fate. Many new obstacles yet to face, going through like ordinary people. #notbornich#notbornintelligent #justordinary


Like a tantrum inside; to get out from this place. Qualification and money are keys to set out from here. The wanted life and living.” #perspective

Feeling disappointed and unsatisfied. Always have been. Dreams can be a dangerous game. Everyone around me seem to settle. Me, I’m still chasing, still crashing.. Sadly, opportunity does not seems in favour of my side until this very day. I really wish to runaway from this life.

Wishing to be someone else. Wishing to be those people who don’t requires a lot of psychological needs. It’s a hard thing to not wanting it nor trying to forget it. The brain somehow continue in loop, programming it, telling you that you need it badly to be happy, to feel satisfied and be accomplished.

Do I like my life? Nope. Can it be change? Maybe. Precisely with past mediocre education/qualification and not enough money to chase the dream to change this life will be sadly hard.

I’m sad, will always be sad. Worked hard too. Yet recognition, opportunity to study again for the government in-service is practically scarce.

“I really wish my parents are super rich.” That sentence do revisit across over some time. “I wish I won a lottery.” This too.

I do not need a Ferrari. All I ever wanted was a higher Education. An education that take place oversea. England is the place to be. I also wish to work elsewhere.

I’m ambitious. I don’t drink, smoke, do weeds or drugs. But, I’m also a nobody. I do get jealous as others can swiftly gain their dreams. So, I ask, “When will it be my turn?

What I dream (wish) to have as a teacher?

  • My very own classroom. Technically the room is mine and only I can use and set the room. Sharing ecosystem is very challenging here.
  • At least 4 RM VerTable Interactive Tables. 5 would be a blessing.
  • At least 25 Windows 10 tablets, with Microsoft Office 365 for pupils. At least 10″ screen size, 4GB RAM with 64GB of HDD. Wireless/portable keyboards for each tablets.
  • 25 wireless mouses. For Mouse Mischief activities. Also for tablet usage.
  • 2 printers. For black and colour printing.
  • Speakers (Stereo).
  • 15 students.

A dream of 21st Century teaching space in Brunei. I know I can work well with it and deliver 21st Century Teaching and Learning.

Costs: About 60-80 thousands Brunei dollars.

Objective: Effective Teaching English language and Science and 21st Century Skills

Mission: Saving the future of Brunei.

I am Executive!


Executive Everything is under control.

You are honest and decisive with an inborn leadership. You can rapidly notice the methods and procedures which are illogic and inefficient. You can continuously add and develop a new system to solve the organizational problems. You like to make a long term plane for yourself and genuinely accomplish it. You are well informed with a large horizon. You also would like to express your thoughts to other people.

ENTJ Celebrity: Napoleon Bonaparte, Emperor

Notice: the purpose of this test is to find your inborn tendencies. It is similar to asking if you area right-handed or left-handed. The percentages in the figure only stands for how sure you are about whether you are right-handed or left-handed when you take the test. Each individual has their own character tendency. Some of the tendencies may be obvious, but some may not. Once your character type is confirmed, the percentages are not so important. There is no saying that I am 80% introverted, just as you cannot say I am 80% left-handed. There is no good or bad characteristics. Knowing yourself is not for labeling yourself, but for developling your advantages and controlling your disadvantages.

Introversion I or Extroversion E – You can get your energy from where you focus your attention.

Your are Extroverted Tendency, that concerned about how you influence the outer environment: concentrating your psychological forces and attention on the outer world and communication with other people and like meeting, discussion and chatting.

people different from you are Introverted Tendency, that concerned about how the changes of the outer environment influence yourself: concentrate your psychological forces and attention on your inner world, and focus on your inner experience, thinking, idea and emotion. You prefer to think independently and read.

Sensation S or Intuition N – What will you notice more when you receive and perceive the information from the surrounding world.

Your are iNtuition Tendency, that like abstract theories and principles. You are concerned with the entirety of things and the tendency of change and development. You are concerned about inspiration, imagination and creativity. You like implication, analogy, connections, possibility, inference and prediction.

people different from you are Sensing Tendency, that are conerned about the detailed information gained through sense perception: things that you see, hear, smell, taste and touch. You notice details and descriptions more. You like to use and develop the skills you already have.

Thinking T Or Feeling F – How do you make decisions.

Your are Thinking Tendency, that pay attention on the logic relationships among things. You like to evaluate and make decisions through objective analysis. You are very rational, objective and fair. You think principles are more important than being flexible.

people different from you are Feeling Tendency, that attach the most importance to the feelings of yourself and other people. The value and harmony will be your standard for evaluation.You are very sympathetic, kind, friendly and considerate. You always think about how your your behavior will effect the feelings of other people.

Judging J or Perceiving P – How do you organize and design life.

Your are Judging Tendency, that like to make judgements and decision. You like to make plans and would like to manage, control and drive for the results. You focus on accomplishing the task. In your daily life, you hope your life is organized, step by step and respect the timeline.

people different from you are Perceiving Tendency, that need to collect more information before you make a decision. So you try to understand and adapt. You focus on process and change your goals based on the information changes. You always allow for unforeseen circumstances in your daily life. You like a loose and free life style, which may be bit disordered.

Ge your psychometric test here! http://www.arealme.com/16types/en/

A Vocational Personality Radar Test